As I sit on the cabin deck this Sunday morning, I submit this preamble to a future Rambling on Courage
Courage to be transparent(vulnerable), especially if you are already fearful of vulnerability can be either amazingly freeing, or it can tuck you back into your emotional guarded egg shell.
Let me share two real stories;
The Positive: I knew I had bruised two business relationships, I reaching out to both for coffee, I took the personal risk to acknowledge where I was wrong and asked for grace and forgiveness. In both I was received with amazing grace and compassion. The relationship became closer as a result. It felt and continues to feel so rewarding and fantastic.
The Not So Good; a personal relationship that was growing significantly and I expressed a feeling that I wanted to validate, an expression that I thought was exposing my vulnerability, removing a bit of my internalized armor to be vulnerable between us. To bring us closer. The result, I was reminded and It was held over me multiple times how it created the opposite ( I was told “you will regret you ever told me what you were thinking and validating”.. So true!). The armor was put back on, shame of intimacy grew a bit deeper.
What did I learn that is the soul of this Rambling that is worthy to ponder?
TWO LESSONS LEARNED;
1-Willingness to have the courage to be vulnerable can create amazingly positive results that builds intimacy and relationships. (Brene Brown would call this adding marbles to your marble friend jar)
2- When vulnerability creates the opposite result, discuss it, express how the challenge and slap down(s) made you feel. Clarify the vulnerability expressed, if it remains something being held over your head, a marble or two were just removed from your marble friend jar and intimacy and safety become severely bruised.
Both these lessons were invaluable. Lesson #2 haunts me to this day as I did not do this as well as I should, in large part I had not learned lesson #1 as I know it today. The person, has no clue how it affected me and us!
Lessons learned in life are endless. Life growth is painful, yet also rewarding at the same time.
So as I sit on the cabin deck this Sunday morning, A coffee cup toast to lessons learned 1 & 2 and the rewards we all receive from life growth.