Have you ever been stuck in the mud—either on foot or in your car? Do you remember the feeling that the more you struggled to get yourself out the deeper you sank? Perhaps all we could do was spin our wheels? Getting “stuck in the mud” creates increasing anxiety as we continue to build on the problem.

 

 

During one of my recent morning men’s meetings, we talked about the vulnerability we experience when we’re struggling with something and feel “stuck.”

I asked a dear Facebook friend, Dianne V. (someone I have not met but greatly respect), to react to an unedited version of this Rambling. She shared such insight and wisdom that it’s worth sharing:

“As I read the Rambling, totally unedited, I smiled, knowing that (perhaps) just a few years ago, you would not have even entertained the thought of reaching out! It is a great analogy–being stuck in the mud with lack of vulnerability. The stronger we try to be, in isolation, the more we sink. The creativity (and the divine) comes to save the day when we ask for help! ”

Yes, Dianne, you are so right, I used to take a great deal of pride in my Norwegian heritage, my work ethic, my self-sufficiency, and inner ingenuity to get things done on my own without asking for help and seldom showing too much emotion. My persona was built on a sense of pride that tipped well into the prideful category. At the time, I thought this was such a great badge of honor!

If you’ve discovered this about yourself as I have, perhaps you’ll agree it’s not a badge of honor at all. However, I have found this is an attitude that can be changed and can create significant value in our life.

Life hands us moments where we truly find ourselves STUCK IN THE MUD and need for help!

We have a choice; try to dig ouselves out only to find we sink deeper or reaching out to someone for assistance, I am learning to choose Option #2, clearly the most difficult choice! However I am learning that seeking out and asking for help creates a more meaningful relationship with deeper appreciation and trust. This is true in business, in life in general, as well as our spiritual lives, and personal relationships—trust me, I know!

I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry.He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. (Psalm 40)

In closing, I hope we all will choose to be humble and not be afraid to ask for help when we find ourselves stuck in the mud. No one succeeds alone. Be true to yourself by being vulnerable and transparent.

As C.S. Lewis said; “We must lay before Him what is in us, not what we think ought to be in us!”

Are you Absorbing the Marinade? – This is one of my shorter Ramblings, in part because brevity can be a great tool for setting the stage for a more meaningful discussion; a primary objective (and, I hope, outcome) of my Ramblings.

One of my all-time favorite snacks is CHEX MIX, you know that breakfast cereal of Cheerios, Corn and Wheat Chex, pretzels, and peanuts, all covered in a buttery, salty concoction and baked to crispy perfection! It’s always been a favorite.

Not all the individual cereals are my favorite. However, each adds to the love for the totality of the treat, each adds its own unique value. Each has it owns texture, taste, and ability to absorb the buttery marinade. Without absorbing the marinade you would lose much of the value of this deaconate snack. In essence, each unique ingredient adds significant value if the marinade is obsorbed!

As a kid, I remember picking and choosing what I wanted to eat first, last, and how I was going to navigate the snack. I remember that regardless of the order, I wanted more—of all aspects of the mixture. I recall taking the pretzel sticks and stringing Cheerios on them to make an interesting combination of taste, or eating only the wheat-or corn-flavored Chex in a single handful to get the full flavor of that singular ingredient, or saving the Cheerios for last as they seemed to have absorbed more of the buttery marinade than some of the other cereals.

I tried (unsuccessfully I may say!) to rationalize to my mom that this buttery, salty snack, made up of breakfast cereal, was a great breakfast and a healthy snack! Why not, it was cereal!

Regardless of the likes and dislikes of the individual ingredients, I loved the entire mix—the diversity of tastes and textures.  The savory marinade that is absorbed in each of the cereal ingredients. This is much like life: I must admit I may not always appreciate the uniqueness of everyone around me, at least not at first. However, I have learned that first impressions are most often not correct and that getting to know someone’s heart and soul adds to my life; like the ingredients of Chex Mix. I need to absorb the marinade of the relationship to create a relationship that has the potential for significant value, something that I did not do well in the past, or at least not in a transparent manner.

I cannot imagine a Chex Mix with only one ingredient or without the marinade. I cannot imagine a life that did not have diversity, as it adds so much to life whether it’s friends, opinions, perspective, personalities, cultures, nationalities, or political beliefs.

These differences:

• Add interest and depth
• Add to and broaden perspectives
• Solidify (or possibly alter) my own beliefs through respectful challenge

As with my Chex Mix, one element is always constant: Each ingredient may be very different, however each are good for what the value they add.

On the value of diversity, I’d like to add this caveat: Not all diversity has value, or does it? For me, it all depends on the respectful nature diversity is handled.  A worthy thought worth conversation for those who can be respectful and maintain civility in the conversation and discussion of differing perspectives.

As I wrote in a recent Rambling;  Gratitude & the Lost Art of Disagreeing

“. . . I am not implying that everyone has lost the ability to kindly express opinions and objections without being snarky or causing someone to feel they are “walking on egg shells.” Nor do I believe everyone has lost the ability to be thankful or filled with gratitude. What I am attempting to express is that far too often we fail to object and express a counter opinion in an agreeable fashion and to express and demonstrate thankfulness and gratitude. Sometimes we may go on the offensive, think we have “won” an argument or discussion, only to later discover we lost a great deal, perhaps even a relationship.”

 Like Chex Mix, the value of the uniqueness of the ingredients in our lives is in large part impacted by our ability to appreciate with respectfulness, civility and gratitude, others’ perspectives (different than agreeing) as well as others’ appreciation , civility and respectfulness of our perspectives and the manner in which they are expressed. You know, absorb the marinade to the ingredients to compliment the unique characteristics of those around us.

Here’s to EMBRACING THE CHEX MIX OF LIFE and ABSORBING THE SIGNIFICANCE of the MARINADE!

 

Recently, as I was flying home from Naples, Florida, I caught myself reflecting on where I am in life and started to connect experiences I’ve had and actions I have intentionally and intuitively taken in the past three years—you know—connecting the dots. I am a bit amazed at what I am discovering, the questions answered, and the questions remaining. Since I cannot predict the future, many questions may go left unanswered. However, I like this path and the dots that are being connected as well as the dots being erased or repositioned.

I challenge you to do the same. Do so with a great deal of intentionality, look for and connect the “Dots of Life.” What do you see? Do you need a #2 pencil with an eraser?

Connecting the dots is not always easy, and at times, the dots can seem so random—o r could it be we’re not paying attention to where they are taking us? Do we realize we have the ability to influence the dots we have in our lives and not take them for granted? Or do we brush things off with, “It is what it is!” I believe we do have a choice as to the dots that make up our lives and how we connect them. What’s more, each of us have a special #2 pencil to remove, re-arrange, and add dots to the design of our life.

Maybe you’ve tried to connect the dots but it feels too random; or you’re not understanding what the dots are “telling you.” Could it be you’re not engaging with intentionality? Sometimes, for many of us, it’s simply easier to shrug and go with, “It is what it is!” What do you think? It could be a fun conversation don’t you think?

As I was reflecting on the plane ride home from Naples, I realized that in the past few years, despite an apparent randomness to the dots (experiences) in my life, they are taking me in a direction—a direction that makes me smile and have peace. I am still not sure what the final picture will look like as we are all a work in progress and life will continue to add dots for us to connect. Those dots may involve detours that could change (or at least tweak) the outcome. Despite all of the uncertainty of life, I am feeling that the road ahead is becoming clearer, amazing, and rewarding. I have asked myself, “Bob, what are the dots of your life, how have they impacted you and what are the connected dots telling you?” Here are a few life changing discoveries I’ve made as I’ve “CONNECTED DOTS:”…What Dots have you discovered you have connected?

• I was hurt to the core (by something) and vowed to make a change to make sure it did not happen again (at least for the reasons it happened)
• I discovered the power and personal growth that comes from reading
• I discovered the work and writings of Brené Brown and paid attention to what she said, learning to stop hiding behind my amour of shame and guilt
• Intentionality opened my eyes as illustrated in the PowerPoint I shared earlier
• To be selfless and more patient
• I committed to explore and deepen my faith and its relationship with my life
• I realized that my work is not done and I’m grateful for the help of others

When they were young, I remember taking the kids to Disney World and going on the track to let them drive a “race car” (with me in the car of course). The good news is the Disney Race Track had a guide rail that kept the car somewhat in control and within the lanes yet retained the feeling of freedom of the driving experience. Thank goodness for the guide rails!

We all need to have “guide rails” to help us stay on track and moving forward. We all need to recognize that even though we want absolute control, we are never in total control and we should embrace this fact and rejoice that others are there to help.

What are the dots and experiences that help shape our lives and serve as our guide rails, help define who we are, and assist us in developing the depth of relationships we have and will have in the future? Here are a few guiding principles that have emerged for me: (What are yours?)

• Learned(ing) the power of patience
• Learned(ing) that control is way overrated and more often than not an attribute that is not a strength
• Loving and embracing reading. My diverse book list (over the past few years) is far too long to list, however, here are a few books that were impactful for me: (What’s on your list and why are they there?)
  • Lessons from a Third Grade Dropout (I’m in the middle of it as I write this Rambling) by Rick Rigsby, Ph.D.
  • Think!: Why Crucial Decisions Can’t Be Made in the Blink of an Eye by Michael R. LeGault
  • 9 Attributes of a Man – Resolute Men’s Bible Study
  • The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein
  • A Dog’s Purpose: A Novel for Humans by W. Bruce Cameron
  • Brunelleschi’s Dome: How a Renaissance Genius Reinvented Architecture by Ross King
  • The Case for Christ by Lee Strobel
  • Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking by Malcolm Gladwell
  • The Invisible Thread: The True Story of an 11-Year-Old Panhandler, a Busy Sales Executive, and an Unlikely Meeting with Destiny by Laura Schroff, Alex Tresniowski, and Valerie Salembier
  • Talking with God: What to Say When You Don’t Know How to Pray by Adam Weber
  • Five Days at Memorial: Life and Death in a Storm-Ravaged Hospital by Sheri Fink
• Being an open listener and considering counsel from others
• Learning to communicate vs having conversations
• To be proud, not prideful
• Learning to belong, not just fit in (Thank you, Brené)
• Taking risks and being vulnerable and real
• Digging into my faith and understanding that we are not here by accident
• Living and growing in my faith

Think about all of this, if our dots seem randomly placed, be patient and explore what they are telling us. If we do not like where we are heading, take the #2 pencil out, erase a dot, and perhaps add a few. And finally, no matter what our dots are telling us, know that CHANGE IS POSSIBLE.

 

Meanwhile while you have your # pencil connecting your dots, enjoy the ride and don’t forget to demonstrate and express appreciation for those supporting your dot connecting journey!