Being Observant is the Facilitator for Change!    

Part II – A note to my readers: This Rambling continues my train of thought from the last post on “being an uncut diamond” and my own experiences in polishing the rough edges to discover the brilliance within.

If you are not observant to what is going on around you, you cannot change. 

There are things in life we cannot change. For instance, I am a full-fledged, 100 percent Norwegian, a genetic gift that I used to be overly prideful of and now am simply proud of. (I’ll explain the difference later.) I am sure you have similar attributes you cannot change and are perhaps proud of. We each have unique attributes that make us interesting and so much fun to get to know more intimately. Our attributes can make the soul tick and become the heartbeat in our relationships. If we don’t take the time to share and learn about personal attributes, our relationships can become shallow, less trusting, and lack intimacy.

How did my personal transition from being prideful to proud evolve? Why do I feel it has made a significant difference in my life? I am of the belief that without being an observant individual, observant to what is being said, observant to what is going on around us, observant to personal behavior and tone of conversation, observant of what is being written by those far more talented and insightful than us, we would not have experience change and growth. So……….Being Observant is a Facilitator for Change!

I have discovered and maybe you have as well, that there are things we can change about ourselves if our attitude is more than, “This is just who I am!”.

I have learned that changes and maturity can occur if we truly care. However, first we need to discover what needs change and why. And, is it really change or is it the intentional and deliberate process of engaging others (like a diamond cutter) who brings out the brilliance in a gem that was always within us?

I am not using “brilliance” in the sense of vanity, but rather as a description of making the best of the God-given talents we have. It is my opinion that not doing so is a waste and an insult to our creator.

Perhaps you are wondering (as I did!) about the difference between being prideful and proud. I have learned through experiential  discovery, and maturity, that there is a significant difference—a difference that can impact the outcome of so many aspects in our lives.

You can use the dictionary of your choice but basically, proud is defined as “having a proper amount of self-respect; characterized by feelings of pride.” Whereas prideful is defined as “a haughty attitude shown by somebody who believes, often unjustifiably, that he or she is better than others.” When I realized the difference, I was almost appalled by the manner I had used to express myself; I was prideful rather than proud.

Are there areas in your life where perhaps you’ve experienced this as well? Just a thought and question to ponder.

As I get older, I have had to work on being more transparent and vulnerable in my communication. In the past, I believe I have been reasonably good at conversation, but not communication. The two are dramatically different. With communication comes connection and intimacy, I have had to learn and experience that vulnerability and transparency is healthy and actually leads to more meaningful relationships, whether business or personal (which includes friends and a romantic intimate relationship). You may be thinking, what is the difference between the two?

Communication and Conversation: (Encarta) “A sense of mutual understanding and sympathy; the exchange of information (e.g. by means of speaking, writing, or using a common system of signs or behavior). And similarly, conversation is “the activity of talking to somebody informally; an informal talk with somebody, especially about opinions, ideas, feelings, or everyday matters.”

As opposed to: Communication: (according to Bing) “What is effective communication? Communication is about more than just exchanging information. It’s about understanding the emotion and intentions behind the information.”

Change and maturity is a lifetime “work in progress” process that relies on being receptive to and valuing the input of others as well as having a variety of life experiences. For me, that includes reading diverse books, going to Nicaragua, attending my Men’s Bible Study group and a men’s monthly gathering for meaningful conversation, going to Haiti, speaking at church about my faith, and looking for other opportunities to do things that get me out of my own head.

Stop and think, what are yours? Do you have a partner to share these experiences with and are you intentionally working on being “Co-Authors” together on the book of “US”?

We do not mature and change without the help of others, being a “lone wolf” produces inferior results. All of this change and maturity has required guidance from those around me. My personal positive reaction to change has added color and perspective—perspective that may very well be different than what I want to hear! However, those perspectives (from meaningful relationships of value) are healthy and of significance in life.

I continue, as I suspect most of us are, to be a work in progress. How are you doing? Do you have that someone in your life with whom, together, you can be a work in progress?

I think that would be a fun and a meaningful life journey to  working together with that life partner to be an “us”!

 

Watch for Part II – Sequel on Friday  

Reader, in this Rambling I am using the images of a rough, uncut diamond and a perfectly cut diamond as an analogy to life and the process (or work) it takes to shape and polish ourselves into an interesting, meaningful and sustentative person.

————

Recently, I was asked how I come up with the themes for my Ramblings and how I outline the content before writing a Rambling post. I found it difficult to provide a meaningful answer. You see, I try to be observant about what’s going on around me. Often times, things I read or conversations I have trigger a lightning bolt of internal thought that goes something like: That was interesting and meaningful, maybe I could do a Rambling about that. I will then jot a cryptic note on my phone.

As for outlining the content, I thought to myself: Outline? Am I supposed to do an outline? I just look at the topic or theme and start writing from the heart and see what comes out—just like what I am doing right now! I guess that’s why these posts are “Ramblings” as they are basically reflections from my heart on topics and discoveries that mean something to me, have impacted me, and/or created change.

My objective? Challenge readers to reflect inward and see if anything I ramble about provides a “lightning bolt” for them.

As I sit here typing, I’m experiencing a rush of emotions at what I am about to write: Should I share what’s about to come out of me? Maybe I shouldn’t. But, heck, if I am being true to myself, honest with who I am, and authentic with my readers, why not? Maybe it will trigger a personal thought and additional insight for someone.

You see, I am single and do not want to be! I have, however, discovered how picky I am, how I have changed, and how I look at relationships—I only want to be married one more time. I have discovered so much in the past 18-24 months as to who I was in the past, and who I am today. I know what’s important to me and what I want in the person I will spend the rest of my life with.

Have you thought about this? If you’re in a relationship, have you discussed what is important with your partner and how to grow in order to be Co-Authors of the Book of an amazing “US”? This discovery is what brings me to my theme for this Rambling. (I pray that someday I will find that person who sees, feels, hears, and experiences this and says…WOW who is this guy?)

In the past, I thought I knew who I was as a person, but I was way too consumed with the wrong things to know how prideful, righteous, and shame-filled I was. This attitude and poorly placed attribute clouded my potential brilliance, has caused others to run and throw away the relationship (actually at the time, I was way too rough and had not learned to accept cutting and polishing), much like a rough, uncut diamond. I now know what it means to change and self-discover. Regret and change is so emotional, tough, and exciting all at the same time. I was told I couldn’t change. However, like an uncut diamond, while the core of who we are, along with our God-given talents that there are something’s that cannot change, however I am learning that we can cut and polish the stone (core), with the help of others, to bring out the true brilliance of who we are, smoothing away what is often clouded by rough, ragged edges. Boy, was I an uncut diamond!

Have you given thought to who you are at your core? What might need to be cut and polished? Do you surround yourself with those who can help? Do you want to renew a connection with someone in your life—a partner, friend, family member? Are you searching for the one who you wants to co-Author an “US” with?

As I write this, I am reflecting on the multi-faceted aspects of how I am attempting to live my life in a wholehearted, meaningful, and purposeful way. Maybe you, too, are struck with how to do this. A good and interesting support for me has been my renewed interest in reading. I have found Brene Brown, The Gift of Imperfection, and a great relationship book by Danny Silks, and Rick Warren’s, The Purpose Driven Life, insightful reads to name a few. Rick Warren’s  is based in faith and belief in God. However, regardless of our beliefs, the book remains a recommendation as I have found it so significant.

When we look at an uncut, rough diamond, what do we see? Perhaps we can see the gem inside what simply looks like a piece of glass. It is shapeless, colorless, jagged, and rough around the edges. You may wonder whether it’s something special or just a piece of worthless glass. Is there value here or just an interesting creation of science and God? You may hang on to it for a bit, but if it is not explored more closely you may discard it and look elsewhere, not realizing you’ve just thrown away something of potential brilliance and significant substance. If that did occur, who’s fault was it?

Now imagine it’s a person, not a rock, that we’re talking about. There could be two dimensions of fault: The rough diamond itself (the person) who has chosen not to be polished, not to change, not to be shaped and polished into something special. They then wonder why they were discarded. It could also be the observer who did not see the depth of the brilliance, did not have the patience to wait for the polishing, did not trust it was possible, or just did not ask the right questions. In any event, there was a tragic loss.

With some effort, and a willingness to make a change, the rough-cut diamond can be cut, polished, and shaped to reveal the true brilliance of what’s underneath. The brilliance will have multiple facets, much like a diamond, all slightly different, yet the collection of the facets creates something very special. That does not mean there may not still be a few imperfections (inclusions), yet those inclusions also create a uniqueness that can add significant value as there is no such thing as perfect—in the diamond world—or with people and relationships.

Commit to finding your brilliance!

I have discovered that with great effort and help from others who have unique talents and perspectives (diamond cutters), that the rough diamond can become a brilliant, wonderful, and fantastic creation. This happens when we are committed to working on creating a brilliant, meaningful, and uniquely purposeful and wholehearted life and a relationship with a lifelong partner, a partner who also wants to grow, live a purposeful life, and continue to polish (and be polished) by sharing and embracing all the brilliance and inclusions together.