An impromptu posting, something that I do on rare occasions as a result of something that touched me, made me think and inspired to ramble a bit. To challenge readers to reflect if anything resonates with themselves……I find it interesting the more engaged you are, the less inward you think and observe outward the broader your perspectives and interests become (just my perspective)

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Encarta defines Respect as; “To feel or show admiration and deference toward somebody or something”

This past weekend I spent time at the cabin for a wonderful cold, snow few days of fires, wine and watching the entire Netflix Series “The Crown”. I was struck with more than the scope of this rambling, however a few were especially meaningful triggers that has prompted this impromptu non edited post.

For those unfamiliar with the Netflix created series;

As reviewed by NEIL GENZLINGER NOV. 3, 2016 , The series: “The Crown,” and the monarch is Elizabeth II, the very woman who sits on the British throne today. She’s not exactly the kind of hard-living, bloodthirsty ruler who makes for frothy television, and “The Crown,” a 10-part drama that becomes available Friday on Netflix, doesn’t try to pretend that she is. This is a thoughtful series that lingers over death rather than using it for shock value; one that finds its story lines in small power struggles rather than gruesome palace coups. Here, it takes an episode and a half just for George VI (Jared Harris) to cough himself to death so that Elizabeth (Claire Foy) can ascend to the throne. (Peter Morgan, creator and writer of the series)

Claire Foy as Elizabeth II in “The Crown.” Credit Alex Bailey/Netflix

I was struck by: The incredible Respect shown by the media immediately following the death of Elizabeth’s father, King George in a poignant scene when Elizabeth was leaving for the airport after learning of her father’s death. The “press paparazzi” refrained from hounding Elizabeth, honored her with dignity, with silence and refrained camera flashes as Elizabeth was escorted to her car and drove away.

The scene was dramatic and caused me to pause with thought about this powerful attribute of Respect . I realized that Respect is earned, it is a byproduct of behavior,  the manner in which we interact with others, our character as to how we exhibit selflessness acts, kindness and conviction of beliefs with dignity.  It is reflective of sincere passion and worthwhile beliefs beyond one’s self.  I found myself reflecting on Respect and what  it takes to earn this moniker, how quickly it can be lost and what it takes to earn it back if there is a stumble in life. How do you, the reader view Respect?

I was struck by : a comment made in a scene by Mother Queen, King Georges Mother as she was bed ridden and said to Elizabeth; “ If everyone continues to just ask me how I am feeling, I will not die from lung disease, I will die from bad conversation”. The art of conversation with substance and meaning is the glue to a great relationship . This is a skill that is learned, it is a skill that is grounded by living a life of substance and meaningful ness beyond ourselves, it a skill that is enhanced by reading and being exposed to diverse aspects of life and the world. It is a skill that can be learned and refined if we care. Do you agree?

I was struck by: The scene when an almost king who, due to the lineage of the one he loved, prevented his coronation was asked if he regretted in essence turning down the position, his response was “I turned it down for something far greater, for Love!” What a powerful phrase and statement of commitment to the person in our life. It was correct and something that should ground that lifetime partner in our lives, it will create compassion, it will enable forgiveness, it creates amazing and it further helps define Joy far beyond happiness. Great vulnerable communication and development of a partnership and “WE LIFE” is the bedrock for this, in my opinion, Do you agree and should there be more?

That’s it for this rambling, reflect on RESPECT, CONVERSATION and LOVE references and if they have meaning to you as it did for me!

As we look at our lives there are individuals and experiences that have positively impacted us, for me that is for sure, I have been blessed and filled with many diverse and meaningful individuals and experiences, how about you? When was the last time you told them? Have you thanked them?  Maybe after reading this you will feel that now is the time to do just that!

A sincere THANK YOU! is two of the most powerful words in a relationship!

As the 2016 year is near a close I felt that a Thank You Rambling (unedited)  would be most appropriate. I encourage all who read my ramblings to reflect on those who have touched your life this past year and thank them for who they are and how you appreciate their role and impact on your life. For me, with some degree of immunity, I write to those who have made a significant impact on my life this past year, helped me to change in becoming better in my developing a clearer picture as to my purpose in life and how to be better at relationships that count;

John – Thank you for your professional help in my dealing with my Father’s Death after 13+ years.  I waited way to  long and must also thank “K”  for encouraging me to take this step!  You brought to the surface deep Family of Origin understanding. You helped me to bring  to the surface deep emotions and equally important, understanding of where these emotions originated and how to deal with them in a healthy manner. You tore open my shield and got me to read Brene Brown, “The Gift of Imperfection”, something that I was encouraged to do earlier but I was too prideful and shameful to understand why I should at the time. For that I thank you

Sarah C – Thank you for taking my email and phone call seriously when I found you and asked to do an intensive Brene Brown, “Gift of Imperfection” 1:1 book club and study. The bi-monthly time we have spent together the past 11 months have been life changing, thank you for your professionalism,  your faith focus, thank you for your compassion, thank you for your challenge and encouragement to find the true Bob within me. You possible have had the greatest impact of anyone on my life. You have helped me develop skills in how I relate to those around me and believe. I believe that that I can belong and do not need to try to fit in! You helped me to understand the power and comfort of Courage and to have the courage to know that it takes strength and courage to admit personal limitations and the amazing power and wisdom of those around me can bring.

Terry E – I have always been an observer and absorbed by observation. You, Terry have impacted me in ways that you do not know with our time. Equally important has been watching the selfishness of your commitment to others and your faith. Thank you for sharing your books, both published and unpublished manuscripts to read as they have all impacted me in a different way.  Thank you for inviting me to your Spring Men’s Retreat you conducted, Thank you for your kindness, compassion as I have gone through personal struggles and your encouragement to continue my faith maturity. You have become a role model as to how I want to define and refine my purpose in my life with hopes that someday I can live out a purposeful life with a significant partner in my life in the same manner that  Mary and you have lived your life; filled with purpose, patience, passion, compassion and understanding.

Rick Warren and your book “Purpose Driven Life” – I have read it twice and with each reading I wish I had that someone to read and study with as there is so much within each day (Chapter) that warrants discussion and further discovery and application to personal life. Without that, I still have found enormous value and will strive to find a way to take what you have added to my life and bring to others.  You know, pay it forward. Thank you for the writing of the book and hope that my reaching out to you will allow us to get together for a meaningful face to face visit some day in 2017

Monday Men’s Group – I have been blessed to have taken the vulnerable initiative to be part of two Monday Men’s groups, both have made an amazing impact on me each in a different way.  They have both allowed me to grow and mature in my faith and reinforce the power of others in my life, especially in my relationship with God.

Kevin Meyer – Thank you for your friendship and your role in helping me transition from one Men’s group to the current Men’s group. You have introduced me to a more meaningful opportunity to grow in my understanding of a relationship with God and to introduce me to a great group of Men. The friendships that are being developed and the learning and transparency of the group in how they have welcomed me is amazing and I cannot thank you enough.  Thank you for your confidence in me to ask me to tell part of my story at two of the Services at WFC in December, there was risk in your doing this as you had no experience in how I would represent you, Wayzata Free and my story, thank you for your willingness to take a risk and have confidence in me and my message.

Habitat for Humanity in Nicaragua – What a life changing experience that opened my eyes to what it means to serve and the meaning of happiness and joy. My perspective on so many aspects of life and those around me changed as a result of this experience. This trip and those within the group  lit a fire to expand my life with a greater sense of servanthood. I look forward to returning in March and finding a trip to Haiti sometime this year.

Kip C and 1^st Friday – Who said personal life success, business success and a meaningful relationship with God and faith cannot co-exist? What an amazing group of men I have  been  introduced because of you Kip. Your willingness to invite me to be part of this monthly group of incredible men of faith and character is deeply appreciated , I always walk away feeling better each month we meet. Your friendship and willingness to reach out and have me part of this group and part of your life has branded my heart and  soul with an additional level of confidence, trust and self-worth that I am GOOD ENOUGH in who I am and not who I am supposed to be…thank you Kip

The Faith and Life Speaker Series – Not a person, but an organizations commitment to bring forth an opportunity to hear talented and successful individuals from all walks of life discuss life, faith, business and relationships. There is not a speaker that I attend that I do not walk away a better person, a more interesting perspective, a broader base of how to look at things differently than I have in the past and a better understand of the world around me. Thank you for your fulfilling your mission so well.

Amazon Prime Books – The discovery of reading, again, not a person, but a byproduct of all those I have thanked in this Rambling. Reading has added a dimension to my life, has expanded my understanding how little I know and how fun it is to become more interesting in my relationship with others around me….Not sure who to thank, I guess to thank all those I have mentioned and the experiences the past 12 months and the amazing ways  they have impacted me in different, yet meaningful ways.

To my Rambling Readers –  These ramblings are rather cathartic as one reader wrote to me. Thank you , my followers for letting me infringe on your life and email accounts as I send out new Ramblings. My objective of my ramblings has been to share personal discoveries with the hope that my writing cause you to reflect and lean into yourself if any of my comments and observations and lessons learned has value to you. So, Thank you for reading, thank you for your comments, both public and private.  The email I received below (in part) is encouragement that I just maybe accomplishing my objective, thank you my follower from Rochester;

“……I have enjoyed your comments and reflections. Just the exercise of putting words to ‘paper’ is so cathartic. It takes guts to put it out there in a blog. Good for you…..Your comments on family and personal growth are grand. They make me pause and reflect on my own life. Sometimes we don’t take the time, but by taking the time we make our moments hear on Earth so much more meaningful. Keep writing and keep the camp fire photos coming!…..A very Merry Christmas to you and yours.  I hope 2017 is your best year ever….”

 So as I end this Rambling, THANK YOU ALL

Bob

This is one of my more transparent, personal, vulnerable and honest Ramblings. There is a core message around transparency in this Rambling that I hope will trigger reflection in the event that any of this applies to you, my reader.

As with most of my Ramblings, this Rambling came about as a result of the newfound enjoyment I have in reading and learning about a variety of subjects. I’ve also become more observant about what is going on around me. Recently, I ran across an article on the different types of conflict and how they can show up in our professional and personal relationships. Whatever differences may exist among the various stresses of life, there is one popular theory that the human body reacts similarly to all stresses by igniting either a “fight or flight response” in an effort to maintain an internal balance. (For those who have followed previous Ramblings, the two different EKGs that I used to have as discussed in the “This could save your life” Rambling is reflective of this theory.)

In the past, for me at least, the fight response would have revealed itself as a snarky (a little strong, but the adjective I will use today) defensiveness and the flight response would have involved ignoring the realities of a situation by retreating into a shell and hiding with shame and guilt. I used to do both depending upon the situation. I could totally internalize something, react in an aloof or guarded manner, or even try to avoid something altogether (a mechanism of the flight response). I have discovered that in fight mode, my past “snarky” or defensive comments caused those closest to me to feel that they needed to “walk on egg shells” if they encountered this response.

Both of these reactions shielded me from meaningful communication and created internal stress, something that is destructive to a meaningful and healthy relationship. I have now come to discover how freeing and wonderful it is in being honest with myself and those around me.

Chasing meaning

 As a recovering Norwegian, I have discovered that chasing meaning is better for your health and relationships than trying to avoid discomfort. Perhaps there are others out there who can relate to this. (You do not need to be Norwegian to experience this, however in my case, I will place responsibility on my heritage and to a lesser degree my family of origin.)
Recently, while at my ongoing Monday morning men’s group, I was reminded of something that I have learned in the past year: It’s about a trait (a behavior) that I never really understood or practiced to the level that was needed. It is rather shocking to me to accept that I thought I knew this, but never properly refined the skill, or practiced as I do now. This past behavior is something that created a quiet, subtle barrier, an armor, so to speak and tension in meaningful relationships. Here’s what I’ve come to understand:

It is not all about ME or what someone does! The key to meaningful relationships is to really get to know the other person, to really get to know yourself, and to have serious communication (dramatically different than conversations) as to the strengths, traits, habits, needs, support, dreams, beliefs, failures, struggles and values that are critical to yourself and those that are important to the other person. The ability to ask questions and then truly listen to others is a critical and powerful tool. It helps to remove the focus from oneself and instead place more focused and deliberate attention on the other person. For instance, now I say, “Tell me about you” and then shut up and listen intently without judgment!

 To really get to know another person you need to embrace totally non-defensive, collaborative communication that creates an environment of comfort, trust, and openness. This does not mean you always have to agree on everything. Think about how boring it would be if your closest relationships were based on saying “yes” to everything. You would be basing a relationship on something that wasn’t true and honest. I’ve come to understand we should do our absolute best to respect and honor the other person’s opinions, beliefs and input.

Understanding and respecting other perspectives, opinions, and insights expands our emotional bandwidth, strengthens relationships, and builds a broader learning curve. In the long run, it makes our relationships more interesting, healthy, and fun which is quite different than simply agreeing with another’s perspective. Living a full engaged life and developing meaningful relationships (personal and professional) means we must be true to ourselves and to those around us.

Say what you mean and mean what you say!

 This phrase hasn’t always resonated with me. Sure, it sounds nice but in the past I did not fully digest the words and the meaning. I lost the substance of what was being said. However, I have discovered how freeing it is to live this mantra.
It pains me to acknowledge my past behavior and failures as they have cost me so much in my personal life. However, I’m excited about what I’ve learned! Change is possible, yet difficult and takes incredible work and desire. Thank you to all who have helped me in developing this ongoing maturity. (You know who are!)
I remember a dinner I had with a couple whose husband I did not know well. It did not take long for him to talk about their son’s challenges and struggles. There was none of the superficial bragging about “the world’s greatest kid” that we’ve all experienced at some level. Rather, it was a fully candid and open discussion and that child and his dad became real to me. As a result, the evening was more relaxing as we all could talk honestly without judgement as opposed to maintaining the superficial “egg shell” of polite chatter.
I have learned that slowing down and chasing the meaning and substance behind real opinions, conflict, stress, comments or feelings is far better for our physical, emotional, and relationship health than avoidance.

In conclusion, there are some key words that I want to briefly react to as I reflect on what I’ve discovered, It’s been an amazing learning curve!
I have discovered that an attitude and life of service, a life that is humble, a collaborative life of not being perfect, of accepting my weaknesses and flaws and living a life of being true to who I am, not who I am supposed to be all helps in building resilience to stress and maximizing life itself and the relationships around me.

How about you?

Tim McGraw’s new song, “Humble and Kind”( www.youtube.com/watch?v=awzNHuGqoMc) reminds me of an encounter a few years back: I was sitting at the counter of a pizza place in Naples, Florida waiting to pick up a quick dinner for the kids. I sat and watched the waitress behind the counter, a young lady who had a rather large tattoo on her arm. I sat there thinking, “I wonder if someday she will regret this very noticeable body art.” I was judging this young lady by the single act of getting a tattoo. I decided to engage and started a casual conversation as I waited for my order. What I learned was that she was intelligent, respectful, and charming. She was actually something very different than what I wrongly perceived by a single tattoo. I soon respectfully and inquisitively asked, “Tell me the story of your tat (rather hip lingo for someone of a different generation) and if you think you will ever regret the decision.”

What I learned was that years ago, she had a horrific accident that left a nasty, everlasting scar on her forearm. She was always self-conscious of the scar and it constantly reminded her of a time in her life that she wished she could forget. She decided to cover the scar with a tattoo that would be symbolic of her mother. Her mother, she said, had been her rock, getting her through that hard time in her life. As she wrapped up the quick explanation, she finished with, “I will never regret the decision as it has a lasting meaning to me and has given me a new sense of confidence!”

I better realize now that being judgment free, being humble and kind, has lasting value. The young lady and I went on about our business, with mutual respect and a connection based on learning more about each other and good communication without judgment.

Reflecting on that interaction, I am reminded of the lyrics to Tim McGraw’s song, “Humble and Kind.” I love this song and message found in the lyrics (He also has a book by the same name.)

                                                      Humble and Kind  by Tim McGraw

You know there’s a light that goes by the front door Don’t forget the keys under the mat Childhood stars shine, always stay humble and kind Go to church cause your momma says to Visit grandpa every chance that you can It won’t be a waste of time Always stay humble and kind.

Reflection – Time spent with elders is never a waste of time. Honor and respect the guidance of elders in your life no matter your age has endless value.
I am blessed to spend weekly dinners with my mom, something we work very hard not to miss. This weekly time is for both of us—it’s a way for me to honor my mother for all she has done for me a nd it gives her something to look forward to each week. We visit about the past and the wonderful memories of her life, family, and of my father, her husband. Despite days when I am not in the mood, I still maintain our “date” and later walk away feeling glad I was there. I wanted to be there for us and I always treasure my time with her. As my dad use to say, “Someday we will not be able to do this!”

And to my family and friends, the light is always on to welcome you. It is never a bother, but rather an honor, to have friends stop in and for family to know they are always welcome.

  [Chorus]

Hold the door, say please say thank you Don’t steal, don’t cheat, and don’t lie I know you got mountains to climb but Always stay humble and kind When the dreams you’re dreamin’ come to you When the work you put in is realized Let yourself feel the pride but Always stay humble and kind.

Reflection – At times when you are feeling insecure, or hurt, it is easy to fall back into self-pity and loose perspective of the power of kindness and grace. I need to remind myself of this as I can revert to not being kind, being overbearing, or acting like a dog with a bone or cause others to feel they must walk on “egg shells” when I am feeling personally hurt or challenged. This kind of snarky or overbearing behavior never ingratiates you to anyone. When I slip, I can only hope and pray that I have built a reservoir for grace and forgiveness to overcome it. The relationship is strong enough to be called on the carpet to remind me what I was doing…sometimes a simple “STOP IT” is all that should be needed. I’ve learned kindness is never wasted and that two of the most powerful phrases are THANK YOU and FORGIVE ME when these phrases are used in a heartfelt, and authentic manner in their use.

The Greeks had words for four different types of love: Eros (romantic love), Phileo (enjoyment, fondness, friendship), Storge (family loyalty), and Agape (unconditional love). Regardless of the type, love provides a foundation for a meaningful life and deep relationships that will carry you through your life, through success and failure. And remaining humble and kind will provide a bedrock enabling you to give to others through selfless acts.

 [Verse 2]

Don’t expect a free ride from no one Don’t hold a grudge or a chip and here’s why Bitterness keeps you from flying Always stay humble and kind Know the difference between sleeping with someone And sleeping with someone you loveI love you ain’t no pick-up line so Always stay humble and kind.

Reflection – Life is a precious gift, yet what we do with it is up to us. There are no guarantees in life. We need to work hard, exhibit dedication, take care of ourselves, dress, and carry ourselves with pride, remember to say thank you, work on personal growth and relationships and then maybe we’ll have some good fortune (Luck). “Don’t expect a free ride from no one. Don’t hold a grudge or a chip and here’s why, bitterness keeps you from flying.” Bitterness or holding a grudge never brings about anything good. So, practice grace and forgiveness and appreciate that we are all human, we all make mistakes. Love and forgiveness are the bedrock to a healthy and happy life.

[Outro]

When it’s hot, eat a root beer popsicle Shut off the “ac” and roll the windows down Let that summer sun shine Always stay humble and kind Don’t take for granted the love this life gives you When you get where you’re goin’ Don’t forget turn back around Help the next one in line Always stay humble and kind.

Reflection – As a child, I was a lover of root beer popsicles, something I do seldom now, however when I do, it brings levity to life. Having levity and not always being serious is healthy for us as well as those around us. Letting yourself enjoy and embrace life as it is given is critical. Do not hide behind a “window.” Those around you can see in, and the window gives only a false sense of fitting in. Rolling it down allows you to belong and be transparent, a key quality to a meaningful life and relationships.

 Taking success and what we are given for granted is unfortunate and results in our inability to fully appreciate the gifts we have been given. We do not succeed alone, we succeed with the help and compassion of others that we bring into our lives. What makes this more meaningful is the willingness to turn around and extend the same gift to those around us. There will always be a “next in line,” and our legacy is not what we have accomplished, but who we have helped behind us. That’s what makes us a more meaningful, purposeful person.

Remember Tim McGraw’s magnificent song and the meaning and substance behind the lyrics and always be Humble and Kind.

Hello reader, this is the second part of a two-part blog post. In the first part, I wrote about finding one’s purpose and how the “river of life” can cause us to change course as we move through life. Now I’d like to rambling on stress and how stress is perceived and role of service can influence and impact our quality of life.

A few weeks ago, I went to see a fascinating and thought-provoking speaker at the Faith and Life Lecture Series in Plymouth. Dr. Leslie Wickman, an engineer, research scientist, and astronaut (!), author of God of the Big Bang: How Science Affirms the Creator, discussed the debate about how God and science go together. Dr. Wickman was insightful, thought provoking, and rather astonishing as she talked about her revelations and beliefs in the convergence of science and creation, as opposed to science or creation. Something she said really stuck with me: “Science is constantly struggling and researching the how’s, why’s and extraordinary wonders of what God created.”

Dr. Wickman introduced the work of Dr. Kelly McGonigal, a psychologist, (Isn’t it interesting how one thought-provoking opportunity can lead you to another?) and her Ted Talk, “Make Stress Your Friend.” Dr. McGonigal says new research suggests that stress may only be bad for you if you believe that it is. She challenges us to think about stress differently, to see it as a positive that can propel us into connecting with others and reducing our health risks associated with stress. Interesting concept!

Let’s look at how we can befriend stress but first, let me take you back to my two “EKGs” that I shared with you in Part I:

                                      

This represents the Bob others saw.         Meanwhile, this is how I was feeling inside.

My own “personal growth” challenge has been to make the second graph look and feel more like the first.

Here’s what I learned from Dr. McGonigal about stress (I’m paraphrasing): A University of Wisconsin School of Medicine and Public Health study followed 30,000 adults over eight years. Each year they were asked how much stress they had experienced in the past year and if they believed stress was harmful to their health. Researchers then looked at public health records to see who had died. The result? Those who had experienced a significant amount of stress had a 43 percent increased risk of dying. However, this was only true if they felt stress was harmful to their health. For those in the study who had significant amounts of stress but didn’t feel and view stress was harmful to their health, their chance of dying was no different than anyone else. In fact, they had the lowest rates of death across the study. The results raised the notion of a relationship between how you think about stress and how stress impacts your health.

So, some discovered take-always:

You can change how your body will react to stress (and perhaps protect your health).

• Stress tells the body to be energized and to respond: the heart rate goes up and blood vessels constrict. The Achilles heel is that causing your blood vessels to contract is a leading cause of heart disease, heart attack, and death when you experience prolonged stress.
• However, and this is huge, for those who view stress as something positive and energizing, the blood vessels do not constrict, although the heart rate still goes up. The difference between a stress-related heart attack and living to your 90s maybe how you view stress! The better we are at how we perceive and manage stress has a significant impact on our lives. What is even more interesting is that moments of joy and courage have the same effect on the body and its response. There is an attitude that says, “This is my body rising to the challenge of this stressful situation.”
• Stress encourages you to be more social as it triggers a hormone, Oxytocin, affectionately known as the hug hormone or cuddle chemical, which is the same hormone released when you hug someone. It’s also a neuropeptide that primes you to strengthen close relationships, have empathy, crave affection and physical contact with friends and family. It makes you more willing to care and support others.
• Oxytocin is part of the stress response: It is motivating you to seek support, to tell someone how you feel vs bottling it up. This magnificent Oxytocin is your body’s stress response telling you it wants and needs to be surrounded with people who care about you.
• Now here’s what just may save your life (see, tie-back to the title of this post!): Oxytocin protects the cardiovascular system—your heart, from the deadly effects of prolonged stress. It triggers the heart cells to re-energize and helps strengthen your heart which is enhanced by social contact and support!

To recap: Our positive attitude toward stress actually protects the heart and is a natural anti-inflammatory that relaxes our blood vessels and helps strengthen the heart. And, social contact and emotional connection produces oxytocin which helps you build a positive resilience to stress. Think about this, Oxytocin – Social Contact – Caring- Serving and Resilience all tie together, you see:

Outward love can be lifesaving as opposed to being inwardly prideful!

Caring-Created Resilience

Okay, one more piece of science for us! A 2013 study at the University of Buffalo, New York, tracked 1,000 adults, their stress levels, and the amount of time they spent helping others. The researchers then looked at public records over the next five years to determine who had died. They discovered that a major stress event had increased the risk of dying by 30 percent. However, those who exhibited significant amounts of caring for others had a 0 percent increase in dying. Zero Percent.

The study showed that people who cared for others had no stress-related increase in death—they had developed stress resilience. What this study suggests is that how you think and act can impact your body’s reaction to stress. Stress provides us a real connection to our hearts and a caring, compassionate heart that finds joy in connecting with others can actually improve our heart health!

My challenge to all of us is to start seeing stress as an ally. Find ways to get that oxytocin flowing. Give more hugs, interact with others. Share our gifts and time through a spirit of servanthood. Use stress to build on the positive aspects of life. It just may enable us to be around longer!

When you create a mindset of being stress resilient and courageous, you are making a profound statement about being a caring person who can handle life’s challenges and that we don’t need to face them alone!

How do I build better resilience? :

• Productivity and resilience begins with rest, take time to reflect
• Stop Whining (privately and publically)!
• Remember two key words daily – THANK YOU!
• Travel Lightly – it is ok to not always be serious – have fun!
• Go to the next party! – Follow your dreams, if one is not working, go to the next as Dreams Know the Way (Kobi Yamada)
• 

Now let’s get those inner and outer EKGs aligned and get that Oxytocin Raging!

 

Hello reader, this is the first of a two-part blog post. Look for Part II next week.

I used to have two stress meters or “Bob’s EKG’s,” if you will. One reflected my outward persona; the Bob everyone around me saw. The other was my own internal barometer that measured how I was feeling on the inside.

The outward EKG was pretty cool and calm and in control. See Illustration A.

Illustration A: The Bob those around me saw.

The other felt like Illustration B. Wow, what a difference, huh?

Illustration B: What I felt like inside!                               

I decided that if I wanted to live a long (and healthy!) life, I’d better bring Illustration B closer in line with Illustration A. I knew it wouldn’t be easy. And I knew I needed some guidance as growth cannot occur without the help of others.

The River of Life Isn’t life interesting?  It’s a constant journey of learning and discovery, the current ever changing. It flows much like a river, constantly reinventing itself. The river, with its tumbling stones and debris, is constantly being reshaped in ways and at a pace we can’t always see but we know it’s happening.

The “River of Life” keeps changing our understanding and perspective on life and those around us.

Our lives also are constantly changing, being shaped by objects or experiences that can change us for the better or perhaps “pollute” us. However, unlike the river we have a choice as to how we let the stones and debris of life change us. What have been your choices? Is what you project to others what you feel inside?

A while back, I was asked to read and study Rick Warren’s, The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For?

I must admit I was nervous as I was unsure how I would express my ignorance, so to protect my misguided shame, I studied it in advance, a mistake, without good communication, I insulted the person who suggested and as a result, I studied without the benefit of collaborative help with and from someone . Recently, I re-read it, mostly because I have such a different perspective on what it has to say and the deep meaning behind the words and message.

This same revelation happened with C.S. Lewis’s The Screwtape Letters. I attended the play a few years ago, but it wasn’t until recently, when I read the book, that what Lewis was writing about actually sunk in and gave me such an interesting perspective on life as well as my faith. In brief, the story is a satire on human nature and is built on letters written by an old retired demon to a newbie demon, a protégé, on how to mess with a new Christian (referred to as a “patient”) and lead him astray. Lewis addresses universal questions about Christian faith through the perspective of the devil who is trying to take over and destroy the soul of his patient.

So, what does all of this have to do with saving your life you ask? Ah, patience my dear readers as I am confident it will become clear in my own rambling, (and, at times) convoluted manner.

Back to The Purpose Driven Life: Rick Warren has much to say. However, this Rambling is not a book report. It is instead a few thoughts that I hope may provoke your own personal introspection and thoughts as to how Warren’s message may apply to your life. Here are a few key phrases from the book that, in part, tie in with the theme of this Rambling:

• . . . the search for the purpose of life . . . typically begins at the wrong starting point, ourselves, when in reality it begins with who created us!
• . . . being successful and fulfilled in your life’s purpose are not the same thing.
• Self-sacrifice is the way to finding yourself, your true self!

So, a question for you: What (little devil) is distracting you from finding your purpose?

Think about this interesting analogy Warren has on finding purpose:

If you were given an invention that you had never seen, did not know its origin, did not know the inventor, and were asked to describe its purpose, what are the chances you would know for sure what its purpose was? The chances you’d nail it would be very remote, if at all.

The same is true for us: What is our purpose? Asking for help and guidance from our inventor/creator is the answer. Otherwise, in my opinion, there are only two options and just one that has certainty:

• work on your best guess or preferably…
• revelation

And with that, please watch for Part II, next week!

As promised, below are the titles for this Fall Series. This series has a theme surrounding my Perspectives on  “10 Personal Discoveries for a Meaningful Life”   I am not an expert, I continue to learn daily.

As I have been reading, living life and experiencing the talents and gifts of others this past year I have found these 10 to have meaning for me! Hopefully you will find morsels of value for yourself as well.

What struck me as I was thinking about this Rambling Blog Series was a song I heard by Tim McGraw, “Humble and Kind” and then followed by a post I received on Facebook that contained the saying that I have inserted, both have messages that that will be woven throughout the series.

I firmly believe I have been lead to this overall theme and content and the two triggering “winks” are not an accident or coincidence.

1 – What to say when the porch light finally is turned off! (Courage and Faith)

2 – What to say to a relationship who lost their smart phone (Listening intently)

3- Want to live longer? “This could save your life (Servanthood and Resilience)

4 – Congratulations your Oxytocin is raging  (Belonging)

5 – What to say when plane is stuck on the tarmac  (Authenticity and Discovery You are unique and blessed, with a past! believe it, learn it, live it, grow from it!

6 – Yup I get it ! I have been there! (Compassion)

7 – A time to talk and a time to communicate (Communication)

8 – What to say to someone who has a tattoo that makes you think “Why?” (Understanding and Grace)

9 – Chasing meaning is better for your health than avoiding discomfort (Be true to yourself and those around you)

10 – Give yourself a HUG! (Happiness and Joy)

My apologies, what a great lesson just learned as to FB content…, I love the message posted, just not the reference to Steve Jobs however

-“A friend informed me that this is a hoax letter. While I obviously wholeheartedly agree with the sentiments, I was taken in by the hoax–and I don’t want my friends and associates to be taken in as well. That’s why I’m doing this follow-up “ramble”–it’s another “teachable moment”–a chance to comment on the importance of “doing the right thing”–admitting mistakes–and retaining your trust. Wouldn’t the world be better if we ALL were more direct and straightforward, and admitted mistakes? While I had no intention of misleading, I want to make sure my friends know that when I’m wrong, I address the issue promptly.”

I shared this on My Facebook, however the significance of the message is worthy of a Rambling Post.

This is a must read for all of us to never forget. Love, appreciation for those around us, having a personal defined purpose that defines who you are in your soul and heart that resonates outward in unexpected ways.

As I heard recently, live life so that being around you is like eating chocolate cake… A total and complete blessing and privilege for your unexpected and deserving grace!

The last words of Steve Jobs –
I have come to the pinnacle of success in business.
In the eyes of others, my life has been the symbol of success.
However, apart from work, I have little joy. Finally, my wealth is simply a fact to which I am accustomed.
At this time, lying on the hospital bed and remembering all my life, I realize that all the accolades and riches of which I was once so proud, have become insignificant with my imminent death.
In the dark, when I look at green lights, of the equipment for artificial respiration and feel the buzz of their mechanical sounds, I can feel the breath of my approaching death looming over me.
Only now do I understand that once you accumulate enough money for the rest of your life, you have to pursue objectives that are not related to wealth.
It should be something more important:
For example, stories of love, art, dreams of my childhood.
No, stop pursuing wealth, it can only make a person into a twisted being, just like me.
God has made us one way, we can feel the love in the heart of each of us, and not illusions built by fame or money, like I made in my life, I cannot take them with me.
I can only take with me the memories that were strengthened by love.
This is the true wealth that will follow you; will accompany you, he will give strength and light to go ahead.
Love can travel thousands of miles and so life has no limits. Move to where you want to go. Strive to reach the goals you want to achieve. Everything is in your heart and in your hands.
What is the world’s most expensive bed? The hospital bed.
You, if you have money, you can hire someone to drive your car, but you cannot hire someone to take your illness that is killing you.
Material things lost can be found. But one thing you can never find when you lose: life.
Whatever stage of life where we are right now, at the end we will have to face the day when the curtain falls.
Please treasure your family love, love for your spouse, love for your friends…
Treat everyone well and stay friendly with your neighbours.